Better than Chocolate Chip cookies: Jerks in disguise.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Jerks in disguise.

Nice Guy (tm)
http://xkcd.com/513/

I thought of this comic after watching a couple episodes of the new animated show on FOX -- Sit Down, Shut Up. First, I was really excited about this show, because it stars a few people from Arrested Development, a show I LOVED. And, there are a few other really good people minus Kenan, who is really UNfunny on SNL. But, it is just BAD. I mean it is kind of clever. But, really, it's so blatant in its stereotypes and exaggerations, that it doesn't come off as the parody it wants to be. WHAT A SHAME. But, my biggest problem is the main character, Larry Littlejunk, voiced by Jason Bateman (who I actually really, really like, aside from his being a little fataphobic.) Anyway, he plays the perfect "Nice Guy (tm)." New York Magazine said it perfectly in their review of the show, "...the sardonic, smartass, 'nice guy' jerk lusting after a dumb blonde." PERFECT analysis. And the exact reason why I adore the Nice Guy theory.

The Nice Guy theory has one underlying theme. Selflessness. The NG wants you to think that all he cares about is making you happy, your needs, your greater good. He only gets mad because he cares. so. much.! Same goes for jealousy. OH, please. Now, I don't think NGs are all bad. I just don't think they're all angel either. Because the minute you don't do as they please, here comes manipulation and emotional abuse. I mean, the cartoon says it all....'oh, you don't want to date me, WELL the guy that you want to date is a JERK.' Of course he's a jerk, because he's not you, right, NG?

(BTW: I think girls can play the role of NG too.)

Some more info about nice guys --
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_guy

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Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate! ~Attributed to Sandra J. Dykes
I don't drown my sorrows; I suffocate them with chocolate chip cookies.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. ~Charlotte Whitton
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women. ~Nicole Hollander
There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women. ~Madeleine K. Albright
Men who don't like girls with brains don't like girls. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Let us leave the beautiful women to men with no imagination. ~Marcel Proust, Albertine disparue, 1925
What men desire is a virgin who is a whore. ~Edward Dahlbert
Weather means more when you have a garden. There's nothing like listening to a shower and thinking how it is soaking in around your green beans. ~Marcelene Cox
Green fingers are the extension of a verdant heart. ~Russell Page
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
Jeremy: Hmm. It's like these pies and cakes. At the end of every night, the cheesecake and the apple pie are always completely gone. The peach cobbler and the chocolate mousse cake are nearly finished... but there's always a whole blueberry pie left untouched.
Elizabeth: So what's wrong with the blueberry pie? Jeremy: There's nothing wrong with the blueberry pie. Just... people make other choices. You can't blame the blueberry pie, just... no one wants it.
Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
George, I have an ulcer, I don't sleep well, mostly because you keep calling me in the middle of the night, and if you don't call me I dream that you're gonna call me. I think about you in the shower ...not in a good way, but in an I'm-so-distracted-I-can't-remember-if-I-washed-my-hair kinda way - so I'll wash my hair twice! So I have a hole in my stomach, I'm running out of shampoo and today is the first day in my life that I did not give a thousand percent on the job. And I hate that feeling.
Raymond Dufayel aka Glass Man: So, my little Amélie, you don't have bones of glass. You can take life's knocks. If you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. So, go get him, for Pete's sake!
Man in photo: She is in love.
Nino Quincampoix: I don't even know her!
Man in photo: Oh, you know her.
Nino Quincampoix: Since when?
Man in photo: Since always.
Man in photo: In your dreams.
Mark Darcy: I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.
Bridget: You once said you liked me just as I am and I just wanted to say likewise. I mean there are stupid things your mum buys you, tonight's another... classic. You're haughty, and you always say the wrong thing in every situation and I seriously believe that you should rethink the length of your sideburns. But, you're a nice man and I like you. If you wanted to pop by some time that might be nice... more than nice.
Mark Darcy: Right, crikey.
Sophie Fisher: A melody is like seeing someone for the first time. The physical attraction. Sex. But then, as you get to know the person, that's the lyrics. Their story. Who they are underneath. It's the combination of the two that makes it magical.