Friday, May 8, 2009


Now posting at Wordpress.... jumping blogger ship. Au revoir!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


Yesterday, I played hookie (well, I decided the day before and told them, but still) and went to the Pittsburgh Zoo!

Never been, always wanted to go, and it was worth the trip. Everyone seemed to spend the day was cool and cloudy, so a good day for one. Check out the leopard - he's just a giant kit
ty taking a cat nap.

There was the crazy skunk who just kept pacing in his area. The hilarious baboon who was quite idiosyncratic. The giraffes who were standing hip to hip and occassionally fighting, like a flat version of king of the mountain. The lion who tried to hump the lioness for two seconds before he got a hairball, tried coughing it out, then just laid down cause he was tired.

And then the penguin who hoarded his food and got mad at anyone who came nearby. Seriously, the zoo reminded me so much of my day to day life dealing with people who impersonate the loco animals.

But the best thing I saw yesterday was a regular joe schmo family. And it was the mom that caught my attention. She was an attractive dark haired beauty, who was fatter than I. And as soon as I saw her, I couldn't stop starring. She was wearing nice clothes, her toes were painted. She had awesome shoes. She was happy. Her child was beautiful. And her husband obviously loved her. She filled me with hope. Beyond belief. That even though I'm death fat, maybe, maybe one day some guy will love me enough to marry me and have a kid with me. And, it reminded me of something I read last week....just because you're fat, doesn't mean you have to disappear. Never leave the house, or when you do, act like you shouldn't be alive. Or dress in crappy clothes, or not do your hair, or paint your toenails. Proving to people that fat is okay is being visible. Being out in the open, living a normal life is the best way to throw "it" back in the face of everyone who thinks it's better to be dead than fat. So, mom in the blue shirt with the black hair...thank you!

the biggest animal of them all

Monday, May 4, 2009

FAT in my face.

My aspirations for this weekend were few. I was aware that it was to rain, or just be cloudy and dreary for most of the weekend. [And, really what more can you expect out of beautiful Shitsburgh? Oops...did I say that, Pittsburgh. You people who love this city are really just oblivious to sooooooooo much.] So, I had one goal. Replace winter tires with regular tires. And, I'm proud to report...check it off the list, DONE. Not on my list? Be reminded over and over and over how fat is bad and those of us who are fat are far from equal from those who are not.

1st (and by far the most insulting): When I finished with the tire event, I went to Fashion Bug. Usually FB doesn't disappoint, I can usually find a few things for decent prices. And, this time I was in luck because there was a good sale. Here's where the insult came in....first, if you've never been to a FB, let me explain. FB sells "regular, normal" size and "plus" sizes for us fatties. Now, usually when you walk in the door, the "good" sizes are to the left and the "bad" sizes are to the right. But, not in this store. The geniuses that run this store thought it would be brilliant to mix and match. So you're wondering along, thinking hey, that looks cute, but oh, wait it's not in my size. I'm too fat for those clothes. And OF COURSE, all the nicest, prettiest, cutest clothes fell in that category. The clothes in my size are mostly frumpy, ridiculous colors and fabric. See, the beauty of the separation, for the moments you're in the store, is to prevent you from being aware of how crappy the clothes selection for us fatties really is. But for some reason, this FB wants you to feel shame in one of the few places left to not be ashamed. A++ work Fashion Bug. A++.

2nd: Person A is talking about person B, their friend. During the course of a random story, person A feels the need to bring up how much weight person B has gained. Does it have anything to do with the story? No. Not at all. But, person A makes sure to say, I just think person B has just let themselves go. And B I N G O. One of my favorite fatty phrases ever. Gaining weight is the equivalent of not brushing your teeth, combing your hair, taking a bath, or washing your clothes. You just let yourself GO.... and yeah, where do you GO? I'm not exactly sure.

3rd: "Wow. Look how fat Kelly Clarkson has gotten!" Enough said on this one.

4th: Person A is informed by person B that some random person thinks he's attractive. Person A asks person B, well is the person white or black? (awesome stuff right there!) and of course, "IS SHE BIG???" Because God forbid a fat person think you're attractive, that's worse than a dude saying your attractive, right???? Or, I almost forgot, a black woman.

And at the end of the day, people wonder why I've become a little bitter, a little unfriendly, a little TENSE.

That is all.

Friday, May 1, 2009's jack's broken heart.

So I'm in the middle of listening to this guy sing this song... I dearly love the song, because I've been there before, who hasn't??? But, like every song with a guy pining after some girl, I just get annoyed. My favorite song in this category is this one by Eliot Yamin. (Please notice favorite is italicized. That means I really hate's only fair that I inform you of my sarcastic techniques.) I mean even cute little Jesse McCartney has this song. So I start to think, why does this annoy me so??? Maybe you think it makes me mad because, as far as I know, no guy has gotten hung up on me. And, maybe just a tiny little bit. But, no not really.......

....p o n d e r i n g....

Okay, I think I have a handle on it. Have you seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall? In it, Jason Segal gets dumped by his girlfriend. [Sidenote: As far as she's concerned, I go against popular opinion. I feel bad for her because she does everything she can to make it work with him, she loves him, but really just wants him to grow up! We've all been there too! Sure, she should have loved him for him and not cheated, but I can still see her side.] Anyway, he can't get over it. He goes to clubs, sleeps with girls, cries himself silly, talks to anyone who will listen...he can barely cope in Hawaii, PARADISE. Finally, he's talking with one of the resort workers, Kemo, who says to him, "....I heard about it from everybody. You gotta stop talking about it. It's like "the Sopranos." It's *over*. Find a new show." That bold part has become one of my new favorite things to say. You know why? Because I've had to deal with so many guys who play this sad sack role, the OMG, my girlfriend left me, or I dumped her, but I totally regret it, or I was a total jerk and didn't treat her right, but I'm SO SORRY for acting that way...and I just want her back!!! Right now! The whine is similar to a child crying for candy. And maybe it's the girls I choose to be friends with, but very rarely do I have to hear them cry and sob over love lost. So I just don't get it. I guess what really pisses me off is that most guys have this I'll do what I want, be who I want, screw who I want, when I want, you can't tell me nothing mentality, but then, suddenly the "love of their life" is gone and they can't exist. GIVE ME A F***ING BREAK. GROW UP and GET OVER IT.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Disappearing act

So during my recent eye roll exercise time (reading Life&Style), I came across an excellent quote by Heidi Klum, the versatile do-it-all supermodel. Smashed between stories about Britney's fashion or lack thereof, Katie's super skinny diet, and celebrity matchmaker Patti Stanger's breast reduction -- because C is the perfect cup size, don't you know???? /gag -- it came as a shock.

"A size 0? I've never heard of that. That didn't exist when I was growing up. When did that start? What does that mean? It means a person is not there, no? It makes no sense." (italics added)

Why yes, by Jove, Heidi! I think you've got it...a 0 means a person is not there! OR in other words, women who are trying to work themselves down to that idolized size 0 are just obeying what this patriarchial ruled society has ordained as a woman's best quality -- the ability to BE LESS. Yes, in order to be the perfect woman, you should weigh less, show the appearance of less, less wrinkles, less grey, less blemishes (or just the "perfect" amounts as far as T/A are concerned), eat less, have less of an opinion, have less intellect...just be less.

The beauty of this plan? If women are obsessed with being less, they will be too busy to accomplish anything else. Do you know how much MORE it takes to appear LESS? Anti-aging creams, hair dye, anti-cellulite creams, creams to remove stretch marks and varicose veins, and of course, makeup -- might as well install a wall-to-wall medicine cabinet in your bathroom! -- not to mention, collagen injections, botox, liposuction, and implants. And don't even get me started on the diets that take over your mind and your sanity with calorie counting and do eat/don't eat mantras, or all the money you can spend on diet cardboard,, and programs like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig. More time, more money, more sacrifice just to be less. Oh, it is so NOT worth it. And let's call it what it really is - a distraction. A distraction to all the intelligent, beautiful, amazing women in the world who could be investing their time and money in meaningful, worthwhile goals and aspirations.

So yes, Heidi, it makes no sense. No sane human would want to make herself disappear. Just imagine what women could accomplish if they were allowed to remain sane and be present! I get it..... Great plan to keep your power intact guys -- we never said you were stupid ALL the time!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Name your price food

Restaurant experimenting is one of my favorite pasttimes. Places that no one's heard of are my speciality! But, so many times, particularly at those chain places, I think, seriously, you want me to pay that much for that meal??? (I'm looking at you TGIF...I seriously dislike their food and their portions are pathetic!)

SO, when I read about this >>>
restauranter Denise Cerrata and her revolutionary idea I immediately wished we had something like this in Pittsburgh, or anywhere in the area for that matter. She owns a pay-what-you-want restaurant in Salt Lake City called One World Everybody Eats.

It's been around six years and her restaurant is going strong on a buffet style service. There are no prices listed, simply a note asking patrons to donate what they would pay for a similar meal at conventional restaurant. And if you can't pay? Volunteer. Clean up, wash dishes, etc. 1 hour of work = 1 meal. Rice and dal are always free.

But I think what I really like most about this restaurant is the no waste mindset. Patrons are asked to take only what they can actually eat. Meat bones are only thrown in the garbage once they've been used for soup broth. Food scraps are used for compost at community garden in the area.

The best part? The restaurant is debt-free. Very few establishments can tout that, especially right now.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Jerks in disguise.

Nice Guy (tm)

I thought of this comic after watching a couple episodes of the new animated show on FOX -- Sit Down, Shut Up. First, I was really excited about this show, because it stars a few people from Arrested Development, a show I LOVED. And, there are a few other really good people minus Kenan, who is really UNfunny on SNL. But, it is just BAD. I mean it is kind of clever. But, really, it's so blatant in its stereotypes and exaggerations, that it doesn't come off as the parody it wants to be. WHAT A SHAME. But, my biggest problem is the main character, Larry Littlejunk, voiced by Jason Bateman (who I actually really, really like, aside from his being a little fataphobic.) Anyway, he plays the perfect "Nice Guy (tm)." New York Magazine said it perfectly in their review of the show, "...the sardonic, smartass, 'nice guy' jerk lusting after a dumb blonde." PERFECT analysis. And the exact reason why I adore the Nice Guy theory.

The Nice Guy theory has one underlying theme. Selflessness. The NG wants you to think that all he cares about is making you happy, your needs, your greater good. He only gets mad because he cares. so. much.! Same goes for jealousy. OH, please. Now, I don't think NGs are all bad. I just don't think they're all angel either. Because the minute you don't do as they please, here comes manipulation and emotional abuse. I mean, the cartoon says it all....'oh, you don't want to date me, WELL the guy that you want to date is a JERK.' Of course he's a jerk, because he's not you, right, NG?

(BTW: I think girls can play the role of NG too.)

Some more info about nice guys --